I’ve been struggling with my breasts lately. I️ had a breast reduction a few years ago, after a long hard battle with a lot of self-esteem issues I’ve had being busty since childhood. I️ had double-d cups since sixth grade and a g-cup when I️ became an adult. Around the time I️ moved to Los Angeles – Christina Hendricks was at the height of her Mad Men fame. I️ thought – well, she lives out here. Where does she buy her bras? After some googling, I️ found out where she shopped and treated myself to $700 worth of bras that actually fit me. Four bras.
Around that time,I️ was performing improv comedy three times a week at different theaters, having the time of my life. Around the same time, an improv teacher messaged me that he wished he could take my “big tits” out in one of the studios at the theater and on stage, a male performer made a one liner about my breasts being the size of Jupiter. I’ve had my breasts grabbed by strangers – male, female, old, young, straight, gay – you name it without my permission. I️ grew a brassy, sexually brazen personality to accommodate my sexually brazen body. My breasts were and are a huge part of my identity. I️ didn’t want to be known for them. I️ wanted to be funny.
I️ applied for a breast reduction the night I️ was made fun of onstage. I️ changed my body. I️ was happy at the time because it was a quick solution. My breasts were heavy and pendulous and I️ had to be tender when I️ lifted them out of my bra, but they didn’t give me back problems. I️ lied through my teeth about that. And now, as body positive as I️ have become I️ am sad that I couldn’t appreciate the natural beauty of my body. But my body is water, it is fluid and changing. I️ wear padded bras to balance out my hips. This is my daily struggle. This is my battle with self love. I️ am not perfect and I️ am by no means completely solid in my confidence. I’m crying as I️ write this because I️ wish it wasn’t on my mind as often as it is. I️ wish my confidence could be 100% bulletproof. If I️ can make one woman feel less alone though, I️ am happy.
There are a few things that make me feel a little more confident so I thought I’d share them with you:
• Shapewear! Ain’t nothing wrong with a padded bra or corset. When the outfit I’m wearing calls for it (like the dress I’m pictured in) I definitely get some great shapewear to make me feel a little more va va voom
• Remember What You Can Wear: When I scroll through a website and it seems most of the clothes only cater to large chested women – I’ll do something a little daring. Wear a bralette with a pair of high waisted jeans, go bra-less under my favorite T-shirt, or wear a barely there body suit with slight embellishments over the nipple. Celebrate what you love about your body with your clothes!
• Find Others Like You I shared my story and a lot of small chested plus size women came out of the woodwork. I also go and try and find women who look like me on Instagram. Seeing their body positivity, creative style and confidence always makes me feel SO much better.
Have a beautiful day!